What is love?
by Plotthinker
Summary: Kyoko Mogami gives her explanation on love, how it affected her. Maybe, she did change her perception in the end, except it was uncertain whether she agreed with her previous take or not. And the fact that it involved her childhood friend...she doesn't know whether to welcome them or just close her heart. (Alternate Universe) Strong T


_**What is love?**_

* * *

Love is known for crushing a person, for making them prey to unwanted feelings because, you have no idea whether the other person sees you the same or not. Whether he/she feels the same way or not.

I'm Kyoko Mogami, age 20 and completely single. And I have never gone out with anyone, yet and don't know if I can ever love someone. (Chuckles) There is a reason why I won't though. It is when I was sixteen, when I was meeting my second friend, who was supposed to be my big brother or…. I don't know, but it happened like this….

 _Four years ago._

Not all have the privilege to announce that they are best friends with a boy, not every girl that graduated high school. And well, here was Kyoko, being the best bud of Sho Fuwa, the coolest and hottest guy in Konawa High school. Her straw-like black hair, and bright jumpy amber eyes makes her the most childish girl in the class. Maybe, that's why Sho finds her easy to handle with when they both go back to Kyoto to meet their old friend; Ren Tsuruga.

Kyoko was the best badminton player in her batch, who managed to beat as many boys as she can. And well, that just is the beginning to describing her tomboyish life.

Kyoko smiled as she recalled all those times she would pull Ren's face, squeeze orange peels in his eyes when he would be sleeping. She even remembered his inane laugh, when he'd wake up and take his 'revenge' for waking him up.

"My my! How grown up you both have become! Please come on, the car's waiting for us!" Kyoko grinned at Julie, who loved her as dearly as a mother should love a daughter. Except, Kyoko never had a mother.

"I didn't think we'd meet you here, mom," Kyoko said as she pulled her trolley. Her winter jacket was wound tightly on her waist, showing off that athletic body the girls wished for in her class. She pushed the handle down and pulled the trolley up, almost loading in when—

"I'll take that," she tilted her hand and found herself staring at a man, his black hair hiding the lid of his eye, his hair being combed only to fall over one side. He gave her a charming smile, except Kyoko cringed at that. It almost looked like he was trying to strangle her with flowers. She would most rather die in an ice cupboard if it didn't feel any colder.

Sho nudged her rib and she winced. "Shotaro!"

He scowled, "Not here! Everyone's around," Sho whispered in her ear, causing her to roll her eyes.

Kyoko just sat inside the car, not making a single noise as she flipped her iPod on and started her rock music. Her eyes were glued to the window, unnoting that she had probably caught the attention of the man who carried her luggage.

If Kyoko had opened up like she would normally at home, she'd already started chattering about all the embarrassing moments in Sho's life. If there was a red light on her life, it would be fast forwarded to the night, when she was taking boomerang videos as a joke. Of course, Ren just had to be there when she would be showing her almost-brother—Sho. He had a side smile, amused at how she laughed at those funny videos.

"Hey, show it here," he'd said, taking the phone from her hand. Kyoko had avoided him all evening, simply because it felt awkward speaking to a twenty-year-old guy who probably has a girlfriend. Unnecessary shyness just settled in when he grinned at those videos, handing the phone back to her.

"They're amazing," he had said in a really amused voice, and her heart had fluttered.

There were moments when she sat on the table, usually while having breakfast and lunch. She would pray that he would come late and sit beside her, and it never works. Sometimes Kyoko thanked God because she didn't want to fall in that pit called love. She had heard all kinds of tragic versions of how her mother loved her father even after he bankrupted her and almost left her to die.

She sat on the chair, the next day for dinner, twirling her fork in her spaghetti, thinking about Sho's girlfriend Mimori.

"Hey," and her stupid heart felt strange, not the weird strange. But a happy strange.

 **w0w0w**

She watched the mountains and snapped a picture standing at the angle, making sure the sun came right where she wanted it to.

"Nice picture," she jumped at his deep voice, startled that he'd stayed behind along with her.

She tried to feel her cheeks, thinking she might have blushed because her heart wasn't slowing down any sooner.

"It's hot, isn't it?" he asked, looking at the blazing sun while holding his handkerchief out for her.

"Hmm," stupid, you have perfect opportunity to tell him something nice.

"You are not squeezing orange peels in my eyes now, I wonder if you've finally realized how bad that was," she looked at him, her eyebrows raised. He laughed, at her disbelieving look.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that smile you'd given me the first day was pretty nasty," she muttered, walking ahead of him. She wouldn't admit that being near him increased the rate of every blood that travelled in her body.

"Is that so?" she glanced his way and found that same smile on his face, her face scrunched up in a scowl.

"Yes, like right now. Stop that, it looks very disgusting. Especially if you are trying to show me how cold those feelings are," she grumbled, crossing her hands over her chest. She didn't need to know that she had probably spoken rubbish.

He chuckled, and she noticed that he was genuine right now. "Never knew anyone would notice that. How did you, you know, find out about my smile?"

She shrugged, then ran off as soon as she saw Julie. Julie had the same upset look since morning when Kyoko confessed that she had never even once in her life dressed girly.

"I thought you guys had left back home without telling me! Sho went back early, saying he had to text his girlfriend. Now, Kyoko. Come on, let's go shopping since we have done this…. zoo-sighting. I can't wait to buy clothes for my daughter."

Kyoko tried to smile, but she felt awkward and uncomfortable because someone else was spending on her.

"Please, Julie-san can we shop after we visit the amusement park tomorrow?" Kyoko pleaded, and Julie pouted since she couldn't say no to her.

Kyoko glanced at Ren and noticed that he didn't have any expression on his face as he looked back at her. He was probably relieved that he didn't have to drive all the way to a mall.

"Kyoko-chan, do you really think it is better to buy after we go to the amusement park?" he asked before she climbed inside the car. She gave him a confused look, but gave him her answer as 'yes'

She wondered why he seemed so unreadable and quiet the entire ride back home.

 **w0w0w**

"Now I get why you guys told me if I had anything good to wear," She blushed as she was going to be written down as a boy because people assumed she was a boy.

She came back from her changing room, as Julie was still changing and she had to go to the shop to buy some swimsuit and some bodysuit for the rides.

She reached the shop and the man gave her the clothes wordlessly. She frowned, "I never told you my size,"

"Well, a tall man told me to give this to you, choosing a size for you himself. The one you and the other lady came with," he said while he arranged.

She felt stunned, as she went back and wore the ankle jeans and halter top, letting her hair tied in a bun for the first time. She couldn't even wear her usual baseball cap because of the bun, but she had to wear it if she didn't want to get her hair extremely wet in the rides.

She folded her oversized clothes and dumped them inside her bag, glad that her halter top wasn't too tight nor was it showing too much skin. She was still astonished that he knew exactly what type of clothes she would have been comfortable in, there were shorts to buy, but he chose the ones that showed less skin from the skimpy outfits.

His eyes were running up and down her body, making her squirm a little and blush a little from the way he didn't show any recognizable expression. She didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed when she heard he wasn't going in the first few rides.

"But you have to come, they aren't allowing people less than ten here," Sho whined, eyeing the large bus like seating arrangement that twisted and spin while rolling the seats 360 degrees up and down.

Ren sighed, despite the fact that he was suffering from cold and sat in the ride.

"Did the great Ren get scared of a ride," she didn't know what came over her to say something like that, but she did and he just gave her an amused look before the ride started.

And then, she was the one who had an amused look at his dazed expression.

 **w0w0w**

"So, Ren-san how does it feel sitting in a ride for the first time?" Sho asked while they sauntered back to the house from their ice cream party right after they came back.

Kyoko pretended that she wasn't interested, but her ears were all perked up. Sho didn't hesitate to jokingly ask her out because she looked exceptionally pretty today. But that wasn't relevant at the matter hand, and Kyoko wasn't interested in Sho either.

"It feels…exhilarating. Now I get it when people say life's a rollercoaster." they all chuckled at his answer.

Kyoko started walking a step ahead, finally realizing that she had fallen.

Fallen deeply in love.

 **w0w0w**

"Kyoko? Where are? Come on, try these clothes on then we will return back home," Julie said as Kyoko spaced out the millionth time that day.

Thankfully, Ren wasn't there in their shopping marathon, and Kyoko was grateful for that. She didn't know if she could handle his presence any longer.

She tried the blue gown as the last one, tying the lace on her waist and staring at herself in the mirror. The person in the mirror looked unlike her, so completely girly and different. She swept her hair to one side, giving it the usual edge people usually give when they wear such clothes for a party.

And Julie just couldn't say anything because the person in front of her was beautiful. Extraordinarily beautiful. And that's why, Julie bought sixteen clothes for the sixteen-year-old girl who didn't react much except plastering a fake smile and a word of gratitude.

And when Ren picked them up, he didn't say anything to the girl when she looked at him in her usual clothes.

"So, is it possible that I would dye my hair and still look the same?" Kyoko was asking him some questions that really weren't interesting, but she was obsessed with makeup. She can't help it even if she can.

"Maybe," she took his lack of response as his disinterest and she resolved that, she will never open her heart to people who didn't value even the time they had.

Especially when they showed this kind of behaviour.

So, you see? I am still not over him, and that's why, I decided I should at least stop these emotions from destroying my life when I would visit him again this year. But, after I fix my date with Hikaru. I haven't planned my life out yet, but this will be a start.

So, before I start ranting out on my favourite burger company and clothes, let me get ready for my first date.

 **w0w0w**

I wait for him, checking my phone.

That's when my phone rings.

"Hello?"

"I am so sorry, Kyoko-chan. But I can't come tonight. Have to handle this emergency duty. I hope you don't feel upset. I promise I will make it up to you," a light male voice sounded through the phone, apologetic and desperate. I laugh it off, I knew Hikaru might be called back because he _was_ a fire fighter.

Couldn't help with that, now can I?

"Sure thing. I'm going Kyoto with Sho tomorrow, don't know when I am going to be back though. But I am glad you didn't hesitate to ask me out. I will tell you when I would return."

"If anyone troubles you too much, just call your boyfriend and he will be there," I was so glad that there was someone for me.

"I will be sure to do so,"

I didn't say I would handle it pretty well, but I would say I at least tried.

 **w0w0w**

"Kyoko, promise me that you didn't use make up?" Sho asked me for the third time since he met me. We hadn't met since I took up commerce. We didn't have much time to hang out in two years.

I smiled at his comment, feeling like his older sister―twin again. We established it before that I'd never felt anything―nor did he as romantically for each other. Good, right?

"No, I didn't," I smiled, because I had gotten over that craze of having make up on my face.

Sho sighed dramatically, holding a hand over his chest. I punch his shoulder as we roll our trolleys out of the train station coming from different parts of Tokyo.

And then, I saw him and everything halted. I couldn't see anything except him, his brown eyes staring right into mine. Every sound blended with the background, and my heart picked up the pace. I could only hear my heart pounding on the door, my mouth sealed closed as he stood there staring back at me with the same unreadable expression that he had four years ago.

And then Sho nudges me again, a sense of déjà vu filling me as I managed a smile at him because its rude not to give any reaction when you see someone you—and they know.

"Hey," wow, I really should bang myself. But hey! You cannot blame me if you'd been in my place, especially if Ren could get even more handsome. I didn't think I'd be able to move forward hadn't it not been for him offering his hand to take my trolley. I narrowed my eyes, and he took the hint; laughing and raising his hands up in surrender.

"I am not angry this time," he said, and god did I blush.

I still glared at him, but finally smiled as he took my trolley bag and rolled it in his car. Sho was busy coaxing his girlfriend—new one, I just know—to come down to Kyoto and spend his holidays with him.

This time, I sit beside Ren because one: Sho ditched me for some pretty older woman he saw on the road, and two: I can't possibly miss the chance to sit on the shotgun totally forgetting that we both would be probably alone our ride to his house.

"Are you alright?" he asked me in a very serious tone. I gave him a look, certainly I know I must've looked stupid—I always do when he was involved.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"Well, the Kyoko I know wouldn't wear dresses that reach up to her ankle. Nor does she have her hair open and longer," I smile at his comment, my insides getting warmer.

"Well," I copied him, "the Kyoko you know, got older and more mature and realized she needed clothes that were feminine for her job and normal days. Is it…" I hesitated," Is it bad?"

he looked at me with that same expression he would give me sometimes and smiled warmly at me, "No, you look beautiful the way you are," he said, making the car ten degrees hotter.

We reached the house, and I was wishing Julie and Kuu would be there because I wanted to stay away from this "pheromoneus" guys.

I moved his hand away when he tried to take my luggage and carried it to my room because I wanted to. If I had to conceal my feelings, it was best to start small.

However, fate wasn't with me this time, no Kuu or Julie. They both were off to some island because of some business partnership meeting.

"So, what's for dinner?" I didn't know what came over me when I asked that question when he entered the kitchen. He was wearing what he usually wore, those damn dress shirts and trousers. He really killed that look without even needing to complete it.

"I don't know. Maybe take outs," he shrugged as I checked the fridge. Odon will be nice, ingredients were there after all.

"I guess not," and then I started taking all of them out.

Ren shrugged and sat down staring at me before starting a conversation as we recalled the time we spent in the amusement park.

Yes, that's how well my commitment is going so far.

 **w0w0w**

I eat quietly as they both chat about something latest I don't pay attention to. I guess I lost my touch after I got my heart broken, would explain the spacing out then.

"Hey, Kyoko, you really are ugly not being asked out even once," Sho smirked at me as I blinked thinking what topic was going on.

Ren stared at me intently as he slipped his chopsticks back in the bowl. I couldn't meet his eyes when I said, "Umm, well, I did decline a few guys in college last year. But now I don't need to because Hikaru is there for me,"

"Who's Hikaru?" Ren asked me, something dark was brewing as soon as I took his name—I mean Hikaru's

"My boyfriend," I watch as Ren's face turns white and he all of a sudden congratulates me and excuses himself.

I didn't understand, but didn't dwell on it too much because, well I didn't think it would do me any good anyway.

 **w0w0w**

"Why did I agree to this again?" I ask for the third time as we sit on the bar stool, as we order our drinks. I made sure to wear something decent, like a checkered shirt and jeans. Sho had literally dragged me out of my room when I was reading my favorite book and winded me up—with Ren in a bar completely insane with people rolling around, dancing and drinking.

I looked around and found only Ren beside me, who was downing a drink down. I pushed the drink away, a little fearful that he might not be in his senses.

But I was wrong, Ren was still fine, thanking me for pushing it away so he could stay sane. I giggled, making him stare at me. We go back home, as I sent a quick text to Sho that we have already left him and sighed in relief that I was away from that place.

I couldn't help but feel all alone, especially when Ren locked himself in his room and Sho out partying in a bar.

It was so lonely, even after I spoke to Hikaru about my day.

Simply so empty.

 **w0w0w**

Unable to bear the loneliness anymore, I took my coat and slipped out of the quiet house and wandered in the streets of Kyoto, looking around aimlessly with the classic act; shoving my hands in my pockets.

I sat on a rock, liking the soft cold breeze blow my hair. I knew I shouldn't have worn that tank top underneath my coat, it felt so chilly.

I wished, wished that tears would help me. But, a bitter smile spreads on my face as I look at my life. Wandering around, I lay on the grass, completely peaceful and quiet because the nature calming my raging emotions. I felt so overwhelmed, Ren's horrified expression kept playing in my mind like a video player.

And then out of the blue, I was jerked up, bumped right into someone's hard chest. I blushed, because I knew no one could be as tall as him. But, was it my imagination that I could feel him? Did I finally picture Hikaru as Ren?

"What were you doing, Kyoko! All alone? I thought—I thought something had happened to you!" I was stunned, all my organs just stopped dead in their tracks as I heard him. Why was he so worried when he didn't even care for me?

And then I reluctantly met his eyes, his brown eyes that were worried, angry and frustrated. He pulled me back into the car he got and drove faster than he ever did, making me look at him as he drove back home in utter annoyance.

I wished, I wished he would calm down, but he didn't as soon as he banged the door close and whirled me inside.

I couldn't help but feel like a constricted bird and felt so angry, why was he jailing me here?

"What's wrong with you?" I asked softly, as he again, started to go back to his room. He halted in his steps, looking over his shoulders at my sudden question. I turn and face him fully, anger fueled with frustration and loneliness.

"You don't come out of your room, nor do you allow me to go out." I use my hands, showing him how I feel. He turned fully now, calmly watching me speak.

"I want to go out, okay? With no one to talk to, its suffocating," I finally say when he wouldn't budge, twisting my legs to go back to the door and push myself out of here before—AAHH

Everything goes blank, my stomach is assaulted by butterflies, I could feel my blood rushing faster as my lips were completely covered by his. His hands had wrapped my shoulder, his lips moving against my own.

And I kissed him back, my hands on his chest clenched the shirt he was wearing and how had I not noticed the two buttons that had been opened?

He pushed me behind, I could feel nothing except his soft lips, tasting of cookies and him. His hands were moving around my body, places where no one ever touched me—and how could they? I never kissed anyone before.

It wasn't until we both pulled away to catch our breathes when he suddenly kissed me again, pulling me into his lap as he slipped his hand under my dress waking me up. His tongue had already slipped into my mouth, but I couldn't go this far.

"Ren!" I yelped and pushed him gently; breathing heavily.

His eyes were clouded, and the Emperor of the Night was staring into my face (Yeah, I figured that face was way to shuddery and exciting)

And then he realized what he'd done, untangling himself off of me and quickly standing up.

"I'm—I'm so sorry! I—I jus—" he was going to go back to his room, when I grabbed him, feeling light headed and giddy.

His forehead touched mine, our noses brushing lightly as I breath his scent in. "Ren," I whispered and opened my eyes looking deeply into his.

And I saw, I saw what I never thought I'd see.

"Why did you kiss me?" his breathe hitched as he gripped my hand tightly—the one clutching his shirt. He sighed, his eyes sad.

He closed his eyes and tried to pry my hands off him. His jaw was clenched, and I could see his face pinched up in pain.

"Let go, Kyoko," he growled lowly, but I hold on to him even tighter.

"Not until you tell me why,"

"I said, let go!"

"Tell me already!"

"Because I love you dammit!" He finally jerked my hand away.

I couldn't believe my ears, I thought—I thought I was dreaming. Or maybe I was going paranoid.

But Ren wasn't done yet.

"I loved you since that day in the zoo," his voice dropped just above a whisper.

I couldn't move, how can this be? Was he serious? Was I dreaming? I slapped myself, trying to wake up from this—blissful poisonous dream.

"What are you doing?" he hurriedly sat in front of him holding my hands. And I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before, his eyes had the depth of love I did.

"Waking myself up from this dream."

"No, this isn't a dream," Ren said, not meeting my eyes. And I laugh, I laugh bitterly. Now I have a boyfriend I have to tell that I'm still in love with my first love. And when I finally think I can move on, he comes back and takes my heart right where it had glued to: Ren.

"Are you alright?" he shakily holds his hand on my forehead, as tears start rolling my cheeks.

"No, I'm not. If that were possible, I would have moved on by now, forgotten you forever so I could happily start my life with Hikaru. But no, you pull my heartstrings back towards you. Why, why are you so persistent?" I couldn't help but sob as he held my cheek.

Ren chuckled, closing his eyes as I held his hand that was holding my cheek.

"Because I am selfish. For once, I want something in my life. And that's you." he said, making me cry—and smile.

He kissed me the third time, and I had no will to push him away. My fingers sank deep in his hair, hands wound tightly around his neck.

And his hands rested right where it belonged; on my waist. A single phone call interrupted, although Ren was willing to throw it out. Except, it was from Hikaru.

Guess I know when to return.

Because now I had a relationship to deal with.

 **w0w0w**

"Hey Hikaru," I meet him, my face spreading into an awkward smile.

He just gives me a nod, completely serious.

"Look, before wasting our time, I should tell you this. I cannot spend anytime with you, Kyoko-chan. And that's why I have to breakup with you before we both seriously fell for each other." I looked at him completely surprised.

"I—I—alright then. But I still want us to be friends," I may not get a chance to tell him about my love, but I still didn't want to lose contact with him. He smiled at me sadly, puzzling me too.

"Yeah, sure. If I get time in London," he muttered looking away.

"You are getting transferred?" my eyes widen as saucers as he nods.

That's why he seemed so rushed.

Not because he didn't have time, but because he will never have time.

 **w0w0w**

Ren sure can not keep his hands to himself, ever since he proposed to me, (don't ask how, he just did) he would always make me give in, and our short kiss turns into a make out.

But don't get me wrong, I will be getting married today anyway, and I'm sure Ren was as nervous as I am.

Before I leave my room, I open my diary, where I had written that summer holiday I found out I was in love. And cut the line where I wrote:

" _Love only brings heartache. Because you fall into a pit of hollowness and misery."_

TO,

" _Love is a beautiful feeling, because you either sacrifice or you just be selfish. But both make you happy because you know what's good for the other person. And that's why, I say love is something everyone should have."_

P.S. Don't think I didn't warn you though.

* * *

 _ **The End.**_


End file.
